Thailand has everything for the perfect holiday destination: beautiful beaches, rich tropical jungle, inexpensive food and drink and a wealth of cheap readily available prostitutes.  From the bar scene to full-on brothels, Thailand has it all for the sleazy Western male, which is why so many of them decide to turn what begins out as a 2 week holiday into a lifetime of dangerous late-night sexual encounters with girls more half their age – this is when they officially become known as a Sexpat.

Sexpats originate from all major Western countries, yet it has been noted that the English, Germans and Americans make up the vast majority of the vile, sweaty and obese men that crawl the late night bars and Go-Go clubs in some of Bangkok’s seediest districts.  Sexpats have only 3 main motivations: to get drunk, sleep with hookers – preferably in that order – and to not catch an incurable STD.

They support themselves in a number of ways.  The lucky ones have taken early retirement and spend the days sleeping off hangovers or going to the clinic to get another HIV test, some have set up businesses and have opened a bar or a restaurant selling their native cuisine, with the unlucky ones having to make do with being a TEFL teacher.  They spend their evenings lining bars, occasionally glancing over to their mate Derek to see if the alcohol has managed to numb his conscience and mask his shame as much as it has their own, before beginning some horribly bigoted conversation around such topics as “The problem with Thailand” or “How much better Thai women are compared to Western ones.”

That leads me perfectly onto my next point: every single Sexpat fervently believes that Thai women are immeasurably better than their Western counterparts because A “they better understand a man’s needs,” B “they are much more feminine” and C “they never get headaches.”  While it is true that Thais by nature are more feminine and their culture still encourages women to be subservient, the real truth behind the Sexpat’s gripe is simply that Western women have much higher standards, meaning overweight alcoholic losers with no money, no looks and a BO problem have absolutely no chance of attracting a mate.  In fact, rather than address these issues by a course of self improvement, the Sexpat has simply thrown in the towel, decided to take the easy option to “a better life” and move to Thailand.

Once a Sexpat has fully ingratiated himself within the Sexpat community, there is abolutely no chance for his re-assimilation back into the real world.  The underlying shame and guilt for the extent of his insalubrious indulgences can only be managed so long as he maintains his current lifestyle and continues to live a life of deluded bliss.  The real world will simply not accept someone so lacking in basic moral standards, personal hygiene and self-respect – plus his mate Dave will probably call him a poof.

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